I stopped at Best Buy on my way home from work the other day to get an idea of how much a FireWire video input card for my computer would cost. After jotting down the name of what seemed to be a great digital video editing package so that I could check out some online reviews at my leisure, I was about to head out of the store when my eye was caught by an eye-catching SALE tag: Cool, a paper shredder for just twenty bucks!

Now you're probably thinking: "What's this got to do with the domesticated Rattus norvegicus"?

thats exactly what i would be thinikng, except taht i already know the answer. but i wont tell!

Well, like other pet rodents, rats need a generous layer of absorbent material in the bottom of their cages to soak up the moisture after the animals answer the call of nature. Incidentally, I've read that lady rats, being ladies, prefer to choose one corner of their cage as a designated WC, but gentlemen rats are less fastidious. Rugby pretty much "goes" all over his cage, except in his wooden nest-box.

duh. that's my BED, of course i'm not going to drop the kids off at the pool there, if you know what i mean

"Drop the kids--"? Where did you hear that expression?

at summer camp

What summer camp? There's no such thing as summer camp for rats, and anyway, you weren't even born last summer.

i heard it on HBO

But I don't even have cab... Never mind. Anyway, pet stores sell various types of litter material for rodents and other small mammals: pine or cedar shavings, pellets of compressed recycled paper, ground corncobs, etc. They're all about $4 or $5 a bag, at least, so it dawned on me that the paper shredder would pay for itself in just a few months. I started out with a brown paper grocery bag (which I tore into several pieces to avoid jamming the shredder), moved on to some junk mail and a two-week-old copy of the Washington Blade, and finished with a yellowing paperback called What Is Dungeons and Dragons? (That last item was unearthed from a box of books that had been sitting in my parents' basement since I was in high school.)

i give the paper shredder a gold star for excellence. the curly strips are fun to dig through and plus i have something to read while i'm pinching a loaf.