Sunday, August 08, 2004

  Proof of a God who watcheth over Rat and Man?

Recently Rugby and I got a communique from someone who might've had a few too many beers, but it was such a nice letter that we both agreed it should go on the site.

Dear Uncle Bob:
You know, I just stumbled on Rugby's Rat Resort, directed there by one of your other sites, and I immediately fell in love with Rugby.

i love you too mister primate!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ i cna tell you are a friend of RATS!

I useta raise white rats when I wuz a kid; they would always get out and be sitting on the coffee can when mom went to the kitchen at 5:00 am, causing her to let out an unearthly scream that would wake the dead and me too.

if his mom scremed at me i would be all like "what is your major malfnuction, bitch??! i am only tryign to get me some cofee!!"

Rugby, it's not nice to call anyone "bitch."

okay i'm sorry but she must be crazy to scream at rats?! we are so lovable and cuddly!!

You're preaching to the choir, little buddy, but you should keep in mind that it's not customary for us Homo sapiens to dance on the kitchen counter at the crack of dawn. So can't you see how the poor woman might've been a little startled?

welll... yes you have a point. certinly a rat with better diplomactic skils could have done more to defuse the situatoin.

Good, I'm glad you see that. Now, getting back to the lett--

for example, i would have jumped up on the screamy ladys head and licked her hair & face until she calmled down. nothing soothes teh nerves & says "lets make friends!!!" like a vigorish grooming.

We may need to talk more about personal-space issues, later. Anyway, the reader continues:

But then I clicked on the CHEESE picture of U and Rugby (I thought mice were more into cheese than rats, cause rats are omnivores like you and me, Uncle Bob)

I don't know much about mice, but I do know that rats will eat pretty much anything that humans will. I don't give Rugby spicy foods that might upset his stomach, but I give him bits of cooked meat, chicken giblets, hard boiled eggs, and cheese in order to supplement his main diet of seeds, grains, and fresh vegetables.

that reminds me! buy more of that havarti with dillweed plz. it is tasty

and I immediately thought, when I saw your face I was reminded of a real nice guy my age that just died a few years back of pancreatic cancer. he was Ukrainian, born in Germany after WWII, but grew up in NYC lower east side you know the Uki Uniate Cathedral right across from McSorely's Famous saloon?

I'm not familiar with McSorely's or the cathedral, but I know there's a Ukrainian population on the Lower East Side, and especially in the East Village. The pan-Slavic café "Beceлкa" (Veselka), on 2nd Avenue at 9th St., was a favorite of mine -- try the pierogi if you're in the neighborhood.

Anyway, You looked just like a younger version of this guy... and then I saw the link to the UKRAINIAN EASTER EGGS under ''Digital Photography by Uncle Bob'' and I said THERE MAYBE REALLY IS A GOD AND HE/SHE'S PLAYING MIND-F#@K GAMES WITH ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for listening

hmmmm can i vote for "god is playing mind-f#@k games with him"?

Dan, I'm actually not Ukrainian, but I did make those Easter eggs in the photograph:

I learned the technique -- the slow, laborious technique -- from one of my Russian professors in college. As to the resemblance between me and your friend, I am ethnically 1/4 Polish through my maternal grandfather, and have been told more than a few times that I have Slavic-looking features.

wow uncle bob i wonder if you are a reincranation of dans friend?!

That doesn't seem very likely, Rugby. He said that his friend died just a few years back, and I'm 32.

mayve his friend actaully died before you were born but tehn came back as a zomby or vapmire?!! that way his soul couldve been transmigrated into your body while his re-animated corpse stayed in the East village to maintain occupincy of the rent controlled apratment...

Okay, I know a little rat who's past his naptime. 
Rugby the Rat was an intellectually gifted representative of the species Rattus norvegicus; now he dwelleth on a higher plane and aspires to become a member of the Hindu pantheon. But he still likes food.

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